Full

I am feeling very full right now. Not in the sense that I just ate a Thanksgiving worthy meal but in the "my cup is full" kind of sense.

I recently spoke to a girl that I knew when I was fourteen (man that was a while ago) and wow was that an eye opener. It's like some people just get stuck in a pattern when it comes to relationships with others. I think a little back story is in order here. This girl was, and still is really, just beautiful and boy did she know it! She was to put it nicely full of herself and anyone who didn't stack up to her wasn't worth a dime. Unfortunately for her we were in the same church group so we were often thrown together for campouts and service projects. She would taunt me with little pokes like "Man those pants are really tight on you aren't they?" and "I'm so glad I inherited my mom's beautiful blue eyes, I'd hate to have poo colored brown" I have deep brown eyes and they are absolutely stunning thank you very much.

Anyway so I run into her and I say hi! She was a brat but even back then I knew she wasn't as happy as she tried to act. She stares at me for a minute and I see the different emotions flash on her face: recognition, embarassment, and then defiance. This is her reply: "Heather? Wow you look totally different, I didn't recognize you, what have you done to yourself?" Um. Done to myself? I didn't know what she meant so I just chuckled and said "I grew up." She glances at my ringless left hand and then asks what I have been up to. I told her I was currently working as a nanny, and I have been going to school to be a teacher, and that I had a little photography side business, and traveling the world along the way. She then launches into a very self rightous monolog on how she followed the prophet's promptings to get married and have children. I told her that was great and that I hadn't found the person I want to be with for eternity yet. She then decides to tell me that it doesn't matter who I marry as long as they are temple worthy we can make it work. Um?! NO! That may be true but why make something that should be so fun and full of love and happiness harder than it needs to be. I know that marriage and children is not all sunshine and daisies but really? At this point I'm fuming a little bit unable to think of anything witty to come back with (Why did my sister Holli get all the clever comeback genes?) and she sighs and said "Well it was so nice to run into you, good luck with getting your life in order." Can you believe that? As if someone could be that tactless and crazy! Well I fumed and paced a little while longer than went to my car. I drove and fumed for a bit more and then I felt an inner calm and peace. I am happy. I know who I am and what I want. I am not going to settle and nor should I need to. I am working toward being a happy whole person all on my own. I still have a lot of insecurities and ways I'd like to better myself but I don't feel like I need to take little stabs at others to siphon off a little frustration and malcontent.

So here we have a rugged little flower to remind us to grow and blossom to our fullest no matter what others may say or think.

La di dah dah dah. . . Not feelin too many great words of wisdom tonight. So I'm just gonna ramble for a bit! Today was really fun. The kids had their Earth Day program today. How stinkin cute was that!? First of all you gotta love the message. Some elementary aged school children end up on a rafting trip on their own after their teacher falls overboard and magically visit every (almost, the boy playing the kangaroo got lumped into Europe) continent where they learn how to keep an open mind, respect all peoples and cultures and most of all respect the earth. So fun! I especially love how they incorporated the toddler program by pinning cardboard fish to their shirts and have them walk/swim across the stage with their teachers between scenes while Don't Rock the Boat plays overhead. My little guy was of course the cutest toddler. At first he walked close to the edge of the stage to try and find us in the audience, after a couple passes across the stage though he wandered over to inspect the props at the back of the stage. And little girl love we could hear just singing her guts out! Seriously the child is four and she drowned out like a hundred other kids. Of course it was a flat monotone but it was still absolutely adorable.

As for the picture today, well mostly I just like it no truly deep message for it. I have had this song in my head pretty much all day. It's called Sunny Road and it's basically, from what I can tell anyway, about a girl who burned a lot of bridges and is now asking her truest past love to come and meet her on the sunny road to try and make a real and stable life for herself. Personally I think it's rather selfish and I like to think that I'm not like that. Really I haven't crossed enough bridges to even kind of relate this song to myself so to speak but I like it anyway. So- Anyone have some bridges that need crossing?